the bad news, the good news and the best news!

Before we get anywhere, I would just like you all to look at this face:

Who wouldn't immediately fall in love with a face like this? 

Well, we certainly did.

To be fair, we were warned. "Only a few days" they told us. I kept that in the back of my mind, but the problem was that I filed it right next to the thing they told me when they brought me Alex... "We just need a place for him for a few weeks..." (That was seven years ago) 

Social services just needed a place for her temporarily, which is why I said 'yes' even though I would be leaving in 3 days to Canada for the yearly visit. Ok well if I am to be honest, I said yes because I was afraid if I didn't they would never ask again. And I really just love babies.

How I have missed having a little one in the house! There were many smiles, much laughter and some tears as we were reminded of our sweet Miguel time and again, but they were good memories and the house felt a little more alive. 

But then I had to go and leave both kids with my dear, brave friend who happens to have four children of her own. She had to deal with many doctors visits, nebulization, and well, having 6 kids in the house. Two weeks later I was home again and took my kiddos home. I was in full mommy mode, happily moving things to accommodate for the major influx of baby-ness. 

And then just one week later, she was gone just as fast as she had appeared. I asked if she couldn't just stay, and when they asked me to go in to the office (30 minutes away) I was hopeful that there was a possible solution. I mean, if it was a simple no, they could just tell me that on the phone, right? 

Turns out they can tell me 'no' just as well in person. The reason was a better one than I had thought though - little baby girl had to go to a registered orphanage so that she can be adopted. When they told me that I felt immediate peace, much more than disappointment, because I know that a tiny sweet girl like her will be adopted in no time, and she will have a permanent family to love her. I would love to be that permanent family, but the other thing I know is that in Mexico they generally don't let you choose the child that you will adopt except in special cases. 

Speaking of special cases...

So this news was not the only news they had for me over in the freezing cold offices that house our dear overworked social workers. 

Thankfully they hadn't asked me to drive all the way over there just to tell me no, they had some other news. 

Some good news. 

Some AMAZING news. 

My social working friend looked over at me and casually told me that Alex's case had been approved; that I was approved to adopt Alex. 

I know I stared dumbly at her, and I am pretty sure I stuttered too. I smiled and half laughed and cried all at the same time; I must have been quite the sight. 

Um, I'm sorry, what was that?! 

The powers that be read the letter I wrote about my sweet Alex and apparently agreed that it would be a good idea to make this a permanent deal, because they have put their stamp of approval and now IT IS JUST A MATTER OF LEGALITIES PEOPLE!!!!! 

Yup, we are just a little excited. 

(I think this may be my favourite picture of all time!!)

Thank you God!! And all of you for your love and prayers, we look forward to sharing the rest of the process with you all the way to the last signature :-D

So, slightly emotional week for us as we are still missing the little one, but I know that there are some things you just have to let go and let God take care of. So thankful for the days we had with her, for the joy of today, and the promise of tomorrow. 

God Bless you all, friends.

He said "Yes"

I'm tired.

The past few weeks have been an exhausting collection of ups and downs, and it's left me with just enough energy to reflect.

"Always rejoice, unceasingly praise, in everything give thanks..."; great in theory and even better in practice. When, of course, you remember (and are able) to do so. I have found that when I stress out about something, or have fear over some 'unknown' in my life, that when that issue is resolved I am more relieved than I am thankful. As in a, "phew I'm glad that's over, now on to the next worry" kind of thing, which is a far cry from true gratefulness. 

It's not a healthy habit, physically or spiritually. 

Last week I was having a lot of chest pain. I suppose pressure is more accurate, which was not new, but along with higher than normal blood pressure and some dizziness it was enough to get my imagination running away on me. With the many long drives to Ensenada lately I have been more tired than usual and already on the edge emotionally, and so when the doctor told me to go see a cardiologist, TOMORROW, well let's just say I did not have some of my best days. 

So you would think that when said cardiologist told me there was nothing wrong with my heart I would have been immediately elated, and grateful to not have such a dangerous health issue. You would think. Unfortunately, even after all I have gone through and experienced and how many times God has provided, it took awhile for me to get there. 

Do you want to know what my initial feeling was? I'm ashamed to admit it, but I felt stupid. Ridiculous, really, and angry at myself for being such a worrier and jumping to conclusions when the problem was just muscular and stress. Excessive coffee intake probably hasn't helped either. It took someone else pointing out what great news that was for me to get a handle on things.

Yesterday I was in a similar situation. Now, Alex and I have been together for seven years. Seven of his eight beautiful years have been with me, and I can no longer imagine life without his big crazy smile and sweet tender heart. 

And even though I am so grateful, for these seven years I have been worrying. 

About many things, as mothers tend to do, but the biggest concern was always there in the back of my mind; what if his biological family suddenly wants back in the picture? What if they decide he has been away long enough and want to invoke their parental rights? What if I lose him too? 

This is another place where practicing gratefulness can come in, because I believe that being thankful for what He has already given us goes hand in hand with giving our fears over to God and trusting in Him. I often feel like I live in a tug or war between both sides - fear and gratefulness, doubt and trust.

So while ping-ponging back and forth, I recently (finally) submitted a letter of intent of adoption for Alex. I was excited to be moving forward on this, yet still fearful that things would only fall apart in the process. I was afraid that once I actually wrote my intentions down on paper that Alex's family would suddenly be shaken out of their passivity and want him back. It is easy to know in your brain that God is in control, however less-so to actually live it out.

Regardless of this underlying fear,  yesterday we drove the  25 minutes to go and visit them. I think Alex has seen them around twice a year for the past few years, at most, and before that nearly two years had past since the last visit. We went because they asked if we would (they have no car or bus money), and because I knew it was time to bring up the subject of adoption. It was the usual semi-awkward visit; not for the kids, of course, they were happy to play within minutes. His parents don't really seem to know what to do with a son they don't know, and even less with the white girl who is just part of the deal. (Although I did catch on this time that when their kids don't behave they jokingly threaten to send them away to my house, which I thought was equally funny and disturbing. It does explains why the smallest kids have always been so scared of me though.)

So as casually and carefully as I could, I brought up the subject and explained my reasons for wanting to adopt. His dad asked a few clarifying questions, and then guess what? 

He said yes.

Years of worrying, wondering and fearing the worst were wiped away in his simple reply. He was so calm that I asked him if he was really sure. 

He was, and his wife agreed. 

It took about an hour to sink in, and on the ride home I finally looked over at Alex and said, "Guess what? He said 'yes'!" 

"Who?"

"Your dad. He said he would sign the papers for your adoption." 

Alex's reaction was what mine should have been - a shout of joy, bouncing around in the car and asking when he could get his passport. And if we could have pizza. 

That is where I want to live - being grateful for that moment, in that moment. Not just being cautiously optimistic because I know there is still a lot of red tape and government approval to get through, or that a thousand other things could still go wrong, or that they still could easily change their mind. Instead I choose to be thrilled today, that his family values what I've been blessed to have given their son all these years and have no intention of taking him away. 

So we're excited! And blessed, and oh SO thankful! And looking forward to the challenges ahead :)

OH yeah!! 

Latest "Update" (since I have no email addresses anymore!)

Isn’t it amazing how months fly by, and then it is October again? October! Fall! And one of my favorite times of year because yes folks, it IS that time again - time to be Alberta bound! It’s been a year and I am excited to see everyone! 

Of course this also means that I need to be caught up on everything and be ready to leave for two weeks, which can be an intimidating thought, however it’s also a great push to get things finished! So let me tell you what we have been up to:

Well, for starters we have spent a lot of time over the summer and now since school has started over at the New Beginnings home for women. I have the great pleasure of helping the girls out with their continuing education, which I admit has it’s great pleasures and challenges, but we are moving forward which is always the right direction! So far two of the girls are studying through the adult education program, one in elementary the other junior high level, and we are working on getting the paperwork together for the remaining 3 ladies to continue their studies as well. (It is surprisingly bureaucratic, trying to get someone back into school) It was disappointing that my friend who I was teaching to read and write, who had never gone to school ended up leaving suddenly, but unfortunately this is part of working with hurt human beings. We also just started ‘Mom meetings’ every tuesday which I am excited to be a part of as well.

This summer Alex and I went camping for the first time in many years - we used to go camping on the beach, however this just proved to difficult and painful with his skin condition. This year we went for three days with our dear friends the Machados to a campground a few hours away with pools and LOTS of trees, and we had a great time! 

In August Alex turned 8 and started 3rd grade - he is growing up unto a wonderful young man and I am so blessed to be his mama. He has started the school year with even more organization and responsibility than before, and I couldn’t be more proud of him. 

He is also immensely enjoying the karate lessons that he started in July, and is showing a lot of natural ability for that sport. 

Our home is quite new, however that fact has not seemed to keep a sudden onslaught of breakdowns lately - first was the electrical inverter, an integral part of the solar electrical system we have for the house. Then the washing machine took a dive, we had some water tank issues, and last but not least the shower handle took an early retirement- naturally while in the open, flowing position - so I had to shut the water off to the whole house for a day until we figured out how to close that for the time being.

                                                                  

Each and every one of these experiences has shown me yet again how God is taking care of us through such dear friends, as both the inverter and washing machine were replaced within about a week! Thank You Lord, and thank you my dear church family!

I’ve been able to be involved a bit more with ‘El Buen Samaritano” Senior’s home which has been great - we have participated in a few fundraisers, but the main thing I have been doing to try to help and promote the home has been working on a website for them! I am still tweaking here and there, however I’d like to encourage you to stop on by at www.buensamaritanobaja.org to check it out! I will be periodically posting new blog entries so that you can keep up to date on what is happening with our favorite ‘abuelos’.

With another school year comes another english class-

And in order to be better prepared to continue this service to our little community school, (and perhaps other places in the future), I applied for and was accepted into a diploma program specializing in teaching english. So far it is great and I am very happy to actually learn about being a teacher! (not that learning by being thrown into it isn’t fun too) I also like the irony of learning to teach english, in spanish. So for the next year it is off to the big city every saturday, which is quite the commitment but I pray it will be a great investment for the future. 

Well, throw in a few birthday parties and weddings (as well as my first attempt at MCing in spanish), a quinceñera, translating for a week long VBS, a weekly bible study, a few baptisms and a couple of beach days with my boy and you’ve got a pretty good idea of what we’ve been up to these past few months! It’s been great! And now I get to see many of you soon, I hope, so if you would like to know more you can ask me then, or send me a message and say hi at windykaren@yahoo.ca. 

God bless! Karen

"God Told Me To"

A while ago I read a blog post written by a woman who talked about how her husband is not her soul mate. (This is where the extremely organized person would have a link to said post. Sorry.) Basically her point was that she does not believe that there is just one single pathway that God has for us; that there is not just one person in this whole UNIVERSE who is expressively meant just for me, nor will it make any difference what school we go to, whether we take one job over another, nor will the entire plan be knocked off it's kilter if I decide to fill up at one certain gas station over another.

I whole-heartedly agree, although I can see why people would like to believe otherwise. As human beings we are constantly looking for that line; searching out the boundaries and checking rules to make sure that we are "OK" and on the right path for our lives. It is hard to make big decisions, and we feel a lot of pressure to make the right choice or our whole life could go in a completely different direction and we might  lose out on something important. When I was in college I think I missed an entire month of sleep, not because I necessarily wanted to be going out every night but because I was afraid I would miss something really great. (Turns out I would've been ok.)

Wouldn't life be that much easier if there was a specific plan? A step by step guide would take away all responsibility on our part to make any decisions, and that way when things go terribly wrong we can just blame God, or fate, or whatever it is that you believe in.

Not to say, though, that life is a series of completely random events - there are way too many "coincidences" for that to be true. I think God likes to throw us curve balls every now and then to keep us on our toes; to show us He really is there and cares about us as individuals. I wondered for years why I had 'weird' scaly skin on my legs and wrinkly hands until God gave my sweet son to me and made that connection between us. He sees what will happen, what we will do and think and say and choose, and gives us gifts like that so we can recognize Him, get to know Him a little better.

Just like everything else in life there is a balance, between fear of making the slightest wrong move and thinking our choices don't make any difference anyway. Decisions change our lives, but I believe that life is a lot more about what we do with the results and consequences of those choices, rather than the actions themselves. Which makes sense when you think about what Jesus was all about - He was not really a 'rules and regulations' kind of guy. Jesus makes you look at yourself honestly and say, ok this is where I've gotten myself, so now what? Where to from here? And then it can turn into beauty or stay ashes, completely our choice. I have the choices I have made and the ones I will make, and also the responsibility to live them out in a God honoring way.

Which brings me to the point I wanted to make. (I know, it's about time right?) Some people love to say, "God told me" to do one thing or another. Don't get me wrong, whatever it is that you are doing or have done is probably good with Him, but He already knew what you were going to do either way, and we have the free will to do what we deem best. Yes it sounds like a very "Christian" thing to do; tacking onto the reason (or excuse) for our actions that God told us to, or that it's His will for our lives. However when it is something that really doesn't seem like something God would be cool with I have to wonder - could this be part of what God meant by telling us not to take His Name in vain? I am fully responsible for my own choices and actions and by saying that God told me something specifically takes the responsibility off of me and onto Him, which theoretically makes us more like mindless drones than created in His image.

(Now, I know that some of you are thinking, yes but what about the examples in the bible when God specifically had people do specific things, or go in specific directions? To which I would say, those are not everyday occurrences, and not what I am referring to. Does that still happen? Maybe. Does it happen as often as Christians make it sound like? I doubt it)

So yes, God has a plan for us, "to prosper and not to harm", as we all love to quote. But that was spoken in a general way, to a group of people, not to an individual saying that if they toe the line they will never encounter hardship. Yes God has a plan for my life, but had I decided not to come to Mexico I don't think my life would have gone down the tubes, or that I would have been "off track". I think that God is pleased when He looks at the heart of that decision, rather than the actual physical relocation. I am the one making the decisions and it is not ok to say when it is convenient, "I'm sorry, that's just what God is telling me", or "that's what I feel God's will is (or is not) for my life". Because most of the time it sounds like what it is; vanity. (Or self-love, conceit, arrogance, pride, narcissism... you get the picture.)



Hmm... kind of heavy stuff for a saturday morning. Maybe next time I'll ask to go along when Alex goes on a sleepover...


** Disclaimer **

Previous thoughts and musings are subject to change and correction as I grow, learn and mature. My opinions are just that - opinions. Please realize my humanness, the fact that I am aware I could be wrong, and that these are simply ideas I'm putting out there.

Well, it's been awhile.


Like, more than a year. I was reminded twice in the past few weeks how neglected this little space has been, and especially since realizing that it is connected to my home church's website, I decided it was time to update.

So like, some time has gone by, and things have changed. Challenges, disappointments, new opportunities. So here's a little of what happened in the past year;

I took a sewing class,

and helped a friend start a new business...

...that only stayed open for three months.  :-{




Alex started and finished second grade.

We worked on the house. Some more.

We hung out with our neighbors,

and met some new family who lives close by.

I went on a family vacation in canada,

and Christmas here in Mexico came and went.

So far in 2013 we had some great company,

and built a school with some of those visitors.

We watched a lot of baseball

and worked at being community.

In the past year I became a teacher. A self-proclaimed one, at least. Ha

I taught english to some, and reading and writing in spanish to others.

I hope they learned something from me, because I certainly have from them.

In the meantime, my boy has grown -

a LOT.

Isn't he gorgeous?

Wow. There is a lot more to the past year (and a bit) but who really wants to read all that at once? And weren't the pictures fun? I'll try to do better at keeping updated though. OK?

Cheers!

k